Are you Alive?

What does it mean to really and truly live?

For many of us, we never really truly live our lives. And then comes illness, depression, and the sudden sharp realization that we have spent our time here on earth not living, but simply surviving. Our life has been awash with television shows we can no longer remember, food, sex, and drugs that are not ultimately satisfying. But it is too difficult to change, isn't it?

The answer to this is not simple. It is yes, and no. For we are creatures of habit, we are thinkers. Many of us are not doers. So we make lists and think about how on Monday, or next week, or next month we are going to change our diets, we are going to start exercising, we are going to change the way we look and feel about ourselves.

And then Monday comes. Maybe we have a bad day at work, we don't feel well, something good is on tv, we simply don't feel like cooking. So we push off our plans for another week. Or Monday comes, and we begin our new diet or some drastic change and it is simply just too hard. So we stop.

So what happens? When we finally make that change, we find that it is simply easier to not do so. Unless we have some sort of death-defying reason to make a change, we would prefer to slide back into the known, the vague stuckness of our existence. And when we try to make that change, the rest of our world, our body, initially resists that change. It is hard, quite simply. We don't like hard. We like comfortable couches, food we don't have to cook. We are too tired to change our existence, it is never the right time to. Next Monday, maybe we will try again.

So what is the answer to this? Ultimately there are no easy answers (I wish there were). The first thing to realize is that when you change, it takes your world a little while longer to realize you have made a change. Our lives are made of intricate patterns- from our history, our family history, and society. When you make any sort of change, it is going to be uncomfortable until you break away from the old patterns and create new ones.

It takes your body even longer to realize and let go of some of your old patterns. Letting go of old patterns is uncomfortable physically, at least initially. It is difficult, especially if they are patterns that are not your own (from society or your family). You can speed up this process by verbally letting your body know each day what you are doing, so your body/mind has a chance to realize what is going on more quickly. You can also realize and come into awareness about what the pattern is, and if you are able, where the pattern comes from.

The other thing you can do is to look at your life from a different angle, from a broader view. Instead of looking at it as being Monday, look at your life as if you were writing a 5-10 page short story, or doing a short film about it. Would it be interesting? Would you/your character come to life on the page? Are you truly living?

The answer to this for most people is a resounding NO. We are not living, we are not alive. We may have moments of spark, thoughts of coming out of our stasis, but generally life is too comfortable to change, and change is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable and change are the unknown. The unknown creates fear. The known may suck, but at least we know what is coming for us. 

When you look at your life from a broader sense, what would you want your character to do? Do not be hard on yourself. What is the script you would write for her? Would she move to Tahiti and become a dance instructor? If this is the answer, break that down into simpler, more feasible goals. Could you go to the beach? Could you take a dance class or some sort of movement class? Now make an agreement to do so. Don't create a strict schedule. Maybe dance every Friday. You can dance in your bedroom or go to a class. For one minute or two hours. When you start realizing that you can change, that your body, your world will come to a new sense of organization, and you start getting that spark of life, that spark will continue to ignite, and you can fully become alive.